Light on the Subject

JUST because I believe in honesty...and because I dearly love to laugh, even if it's at my own expense...I present to you Embarrassing Moment #1,456. (Calculating the corresponding number for this particular embarrassing moment is an inexact science...I assume that I've embarrassed myself at least once a week during my lifetime, x 52 weeks in a year x 28 years of life = you get the idea.)

A few months ago, I purchased some lamps at IKEA in an effort to make my cubicle at work feel a bit cozier and a bit less, well, like a boring old cubicle. I was particularly stoked about the larger of the two lamps that I purchased, which is adjustable in height and therefore perfect for sitting behind my computer monitor.

Now, if you've ever been to my apartment either in Austria or the U.S., you'll know that I have an incredible affinity for Most Things IKEA, and I've assembled a fair number of IKEA articles over time...though, to be fair, I'm not the most technically minded person on the planet and rely heavily upon the written and drawn assembly instructions included with each IKEA article.

Anyhoo, I was super excited to unpack and assemble my new lamps. The smaller one was no problem at all - a very straightforward assembly (I hardly needed to consult the assembly instructions/pictures, but did anyway because that's the way I roll). The assembly of the larger, adjustable lamp went smoothly until it came time to put on the lampshade. When I went to screw in the energy-efficient light bulb, it stood a full three and a half inches above the shade, which in turn obviously did very little to "shade" the light bulb from my eyes...or the eyes of others who came by my cubicle that day. The unshaded bulb spotlighted everyone as if my cubicle had become an interrogation room.

Since the energy-efficient light bulb seemed to be quite taller than other bulbs, I at first blamed it for the lamp malfunction. "Energy efficient it may be, but practical it is not!" I thought. That evening, I ran out to Target and bought some plain, old-fashioned GE light bulbs, thinking that would fix the problem.

Imagine my dismay, however, when I screwed in the plain, old-fashioned GE bulb the next morning only to have the exact same problem - the bulb still stuck out above the top of the shade! I consulted and re-consulted the instructions, but they didn't seem to shed any light on the subject (Ha - pun intended). Not knowing what else to do (and not having many other lighting options, as the fluorescent light above my desk had been extinguished at my request), I left the lamp as it was for the day, feeling discouraged and disgruntled. "You've disappointed me, IKEA!" I groused. "You normally produce pieces of such flawless design, but BOY have you ever screwed this one up!" Adding to my puzzlement was the fact that I didn't remember the lamp's floor model having this problem. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to make a special trip to IKEA (the closest one is in Charlotte, a couple of hours' drive away) to return it.

A couple of days later, after my boss was nearly blinded by my faulty lamp upon entering my cube, I was explaining my predicament and pulled out the lamp to show her its faultiness. She took a good look at it and asked, "What if you turned the shade upside down?"

- PAUSE (wait for it...wait for iiiiiiiiiit....) -

Absolute hysteria broke out. Of COURSE! I quickly flipped the shade upside down and EUREKA! The problem was solved, and the shade turned the cornea-scorching eyesore (literally) into the warm, ambience-creating piece that I wanted.

In my defense, the lamp shade is of a uniform width from top to bottom, unlike other shades that are narrower at the top and grow wider at the bottom, so the fact that I had the shade upside down wasn't obvious in that regard...though it SURELY should have been obvious from the way the bulb stuck out at the top. For whatever reason, however, my brain didn't connect those dots, and we now have this little gem of a story because of it. If it amuses you even 1/18th as much as it has me, then all the frustration and subsequent embarrassment was well worth it. :)